This is the conclusion .if you have not read volumes 1 and 2, please check them.
13. Beware of third parties.
Every healthy marriage without much stress should be able to resolve differences within it. When we got married, I told my wife that nobody comes here to settle any case, not even your parents, because I didn’t envisage any issues. It has been like that for 9 years now. We have seen where third parties come into marriages and instead of resolving conflict, escalate the conflict. You must apply wisdom in what people say concerning your marriage/spouse. Having said that, I must advise that if you are in abusive relationship, please seek urgent help.
14. Watch the company you keep.
It is important to choose your close friend wisely. If you have friends who are not adding any value to your life, please drop them immediately. Many couples have got their homes turned upside down because of what their friend told them. Someone told me that 20 good friends can’t move for 20 good years. If you think backwards, not everyone who was your friend 20 years ago is still your friend today. Many have moved on. You can’t be chatting at the airport with someone who is not going to the same destination with; you will miss your flight. There is no need keeping a “friend” who is doing more harm than good to your marriage. Remember Proverbs 13v20.
15. Don’t compare your marriage/spouse to others.
If you don’t appreciate your spouse, you are contributing to his/her low self-esteem. One of the things that contribute to this is simple when spouses compare their marriage or partners to others. We have in the world today about 7 billion people, with 7 billion faces and 7 billion finger prints. You can’t have two persons that are exactly the same. The same way you can’t have two marriages that are exactly the same. Even the so called “identical” twins are not really the same, because at least their parents can identify them and call them different names. Please appreciate what you have got and dedicate yourself to it. We are created in God’s image, (Genesis 1v26)
16. Wisdom is the principal thing.
A man had misunderstanding with the wife in the night and when they both woke up in the morning, the wife saw him and just walked passed without the usual pleasantries, so instead of picking quarrel with wife, the man looked at himself, called his name and said since nobody wants to greet me, I greet myself, and immediately both of them busted into uncontrollable laughter that settled everything. That is wisdom at its best. Please don’t pick quarrel with your spouse for every little thing.
Wisdom is the principal thing, (Proverbs 4v7)
Depending on the part of the world you live in, this might not pose a serious issue to you, but if you live in my part of the world this is a major issue in many homes. There must be balance in the way you handle your in-laws knowing fully well the kind of society we live in. Some in-laws are a blessing indeed, they give the couples the requires space, care and love, but unfortunately, other are not. Some are really a torn in the flesh of the new couple. In my part of the world, the relationship most especially between mother-in-law and the daughter –in-law in particular and other in-laws in general has always been a cause of concern to many marriages/homes. I will advise the man to take personal responsibility here. As a man you must set boundaries. You must make your family understand that your wife is now part of the family, and your wife must also understand that the two families are now one. The key word is to treat others the way you will like to be treated, (Matthew 7v12). Your family must respect your wife and in turn your wife must accept your family and treat everyone as hers. Please remember that if you don’t respect your spouse, you don’t expect others to do so. The respect starts with you.
18.Be the fan of your spouse:
One of the things that bring trouble at home is that your wife/husband is not happy with your profession. Please if you are going into any project or work discuss it first with wife/husband. If possible take him/her along once in a while so that he/she can appreciate what you do and be your fan/supporter; that’s the only way you can really have peace at home. Your spouse should be able to lessen the burden of your work, rather than adding to it.
19. Be nice.
If you want peace and bliss in your home be nice to your spouse. Remember the golden rule Jesus gave in Matthew 7v12. Do you find it difficult to say these words even when you know you are supposed to say them, namely?
I am sorry
I take responsibility for that
It’s my fault
Please forgive me for my mistake
I should have done better
If you have difficulty saying these words, when you know that you are supposed to do that, then you have a lot of work to do, but you can start today.
20. Separate normal life challenges from marital challenges.
It’s not everything challenge that is a marital challenge. I have seen people say a lot of things about marriage simply because they are married. Take for instance, you lost your job because of economic downturn or you were not adding value to the company. Please don’t call this a marriage challenge simply because you are married. The truth of the matter is that you could have still lost your job even if you were single, so it is not marital challenge. It is very important for us to put the blame where it is, instead of putting unnecessary pressure on our marriages. If you lost your job because you were not adding value to the company, you should look back at yourself and see how you can improve your skills and go for another job.