Prepare for Marriage, and not just Entertainment

Wedding

PREPARE FOR MARRIAGE, and not just entertainment.

I have observed with keen interest, that we put in so much energy and resources into our wedding ceremonies these days, with greater part of it going into hosting of guests, popularly called “reception” in my part of the world. Some people go to the extent of taking a loan in order to be able to entertain guests, there by having a huge debt to pay back after the wedding. This has the tendency to create tension in the home of the newly married. No believer who has the wisdom of God should allow this kind of scenario to play out in his/her home.

In as much as it is good to entertain your guests, if you have the means, I believe that it is much better to channel more of your resources and energy in preparation for the marriage itself.

Marriage for believer is not something you rush in and rush out. It is a life time covenant for any believer that knows what he/she is doing. You have to invest time and resources to make sure it works. People get married these days without “proper ground work” done, for instance;

How many people read books on marriage before going into marriage?
• How many search the scriptures to see God’s plan and purpose for marriages?
• How many seek the face of God in fasting and prayer for their intended marriage?
• How many know to a reasonable level their prospective spouse?
• How many have done proper background check on their prospective spouse?

Yet these days, we are more concerned about:

What dress/suit to wear
• The hall/venue to be used for reception
• What kind of food and drinks to serve the invited guests.

We have a lot of funny stuff these days. Some marriages crashed even before they started. I heard a story of a couple that started quarreling right from the wedding reception hall. Others can’t say exactly their spouse’s source of income.

Let us be wise. Remember proverbs 24 vs 3

“Through Wisdom is an house builded, and by understanding it is established

In a world of outsourcing; don’t outsource the children.

 

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In a world of outsourcing; don’t outsource the children.

Today we live in a fast moving world, almost everything is outsourced and “made easy”. Some eateries have the “drive through” where you can easily get your orders as you drive through. Supermarkets have “ready made” meals including soups you can buy and take home and it will appear as a homemade meal. We hardly have time to cook proper meals at home these days

Companies in one continent outsourcing their customer care business to other companies in another continent. For instance, you can call a company in Europe and someone in India will answer.

We can outsource almost everything, but there’s one aspect of our lives that we must not outsource, and that is our children. We can’t be too busy to have time to take care of our children. No matter the work schedule, we must make it a point of duty to have time to communicate with our children. In our society today, we have seen situations where parents have left the care of children entirely in the hands of domestic staff, Governments and schools. This is a major problem all over the world today. This has led to children being instruments in the hands of terrible groups, like terrorists and drugs addicts. The foundational and fundamental care for children must come from the parents. Other groups, like domestic staff, schools e.tc., only have complimentary roles to play. These children are precious gift from God and we must not allow anyone to tamper with their destinies.

Parents must understand that the children are their responsibility, and so must bring up their children in manner that God wants us to do it. I can hear someone say I am very busy. No parent should ever use work as excuse not to care for the children. As parents, you must create time around your schedules to look after your children and see how they are faring in every aspect of their lives including school work, spiritual growth e.t.c.. You can’t be too busy for your children. I will like to say that we have time for anything of value to us. Time is a function of priorities. We will always have time for the things we value most. Remember Proverbs 22 vs 6
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it”
Remain ever blessed.

Your Past Can’t Determine Your Future

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YOUR PAST CAN’T DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE.

I always feel aggrieved whenever I hear someone give excuse for bad behaviour by simply saying I had a bad upbringing/past. The truth of the matter is that your bad past can’t determine your future if you don’t allow it. As believers we have the capacity by the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ to decide what our future will look like. If you had a bad past it can be a motivation for your future or a drawback, it all depends on you.

Every adult is absolutely responsible for the outcome of his/her life. Personally, I was about 2 years old when my dad left and got separated from my mum, so as a child I didn’t really have a father at home to look up to. My mum worked very hard to make sure that we had food on the table; waking up very early in the morning and coming back late at night. I saw how my mum suffered without much help, so I made up my mind that my own marriage was going to be different irrespective of the difficulty faced as a child. I never allowed anything to dampen my enthusiasm for a healthy and prosperous marriage. I got so intoxicated that years before I got married, I used to share with my colleagues at the work that I was going to have a glorious marriage. So while sharing my dream with my colleagues one day, one of them who was married looked at me and said “you don’t know what you are talking about; wait till you get married first”, I smiled and told him I know what I am talking about. By the grace of God, I can boldly say today that I knew what I was talking about. So many people can’t see it that is why they are not experiencing it. No wonder my father in the Lord said that “you can’t participate in a future you can’t see”.

Please don’t allow your past to determine your future; move forward. The following scriptures will be of immense help here;

• 2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things have passed away; behold all things are become new.

• Philippians 3:13 “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forth unto those things which are before

• Genesis 13:15 “And the Lord said unto Abram after that Lot was separated from him, lift up now thine eyes, and look from the place where thou art northward, and southward, and eastward, and westward: For all the land which thou seest, to thee will I give and to thy seed for ever

Keys to Peaceful Marriage/Home Vol. 3

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This is the conclusion .if you have not read volumes 1 and 2, please check them.

13. Beware of third parties.

Every healthy marriage without much stress should be able to resolve differences within it. When we got married, I told my wife that nobody comes here to settle any case, not even your parents, because I didn’t envisage any issues. It has been like that for 9 years now. We have seen where third parties come into marriages and instead of resolving conflict, escalate the conflict. You must apply wisdom in what people say concerning your marriage/spouse. Having said that, I must advise that if you are in abusive relationship, please seek urgent help.

14. Watch the company you keep.

It is important to choose your close friend wisely. If you have friends who are not adding any value to your life, please drop them immediately. Many couples have got their homes turned upside down because of what their friend told them. Someone told me that 20 good friends can’t move for 20 good years. If you think backwards, not everyone who was your friend 20 years ago is still your friend today. Many have moved on. You can’t be chatting at the airport with someone who is not going to the same destination with; you will miss your flight. There is no need keeping a “friend” who is doing more harm than good to your marriage. Remember Proverbs 13v20.

15. Don’t compare your marriage/spouse to others.

If you don’t appreciate your spouse, you are contributing to his/her low self-esteem. One of the things that contribute to this is simple when spouses compare their marriage or partners to others. We have in the world today about 7 billion people, with 7 billion faces and 7 billion finger prints. You can’t have two persons that are exactly the same. The same way you can’t have two marriages that are exactly the same. Even the so called “identical” twins are not really the same, because at least their parents can identify them and call them different names. Please appreciate what you have got and dedicate yourself to it. We are created in God’s image, (Genesis 1v26)

16. Wisdom is the principal thing.

A man had misunderstanding with the wife in the night and when they both woke up in the morning, the wife saw him and just walked passed without the usual pleasantries, so instead of picking quarrel with wife, the man looked at himself, called his name and said since nobody wants to greet me, I greet myself, and immediately both of them busted into uncontrollable laughter that settled everything. That is wisdom at its best. Please don’t pick quarrel with your spouse for every little thing.
Wisdom is the principal thing, (Proverbs 4v7)

17.In-laws.

Depending on the part of the world you live in, this might not pose a serious issue to you, but if you live in my part of the world this is a major issue in many homes. There must be balance in the way you handle your in-laws knowing fully well the kind of society we live in. Some in-laws are a blessing indeed, they give the couples the requires space, care and love, but unfortunately, other are not. Some are really a torn in the flesh of the new couple. In my part of the world, the relationship most especially between mother-in-law and the daughter –in-law in particular and other in-laws in general has always been a cause of concern to many marriages/homes. I will advise the man to take personal responsibility here. As a man you must set boundaries. You must make your family understand that your wife is now part of the family, and your wife must also understand that the two families are now one. The key word is to treat others the way you will like to be treated, (Matthew 7v12). Your family must respect your wife and in turn your wife must accept your family and treat everyone as hers. Please remember that if you don’t respect your spouse, you don’t expect others to do so. The respect starts with you.

18.Be the fan of your spouse:

One of the things that bring trouble at home is that your wife/husband is not happy with your profession. Please if you are going into any project or work discuss it first with wife/husband. If possible take him/her along once in a while so that he/she can appreciate what you do and be your fan/supporter; that’s the only way you can really have peace at home. Your spouse should be able to lessen the burden of your work, rather than adding to it.

19. Be nice.

If you want peace and bliss in your home be nice to your spouse. Remember the golden rule Jesus gave in Matthew 7v12. Do you find it difficult to say these words even when you know you are supposed to say them, namely?

I am sorry
Thank you
I take responsibility for that
It’s my fault
Please forgive me for my mistake
I should have done better
If you have difficulty saying these words, when you know that you are supposed to do that, then you have a lot of work to do, but you can start today.

20. Separate normal life challenges from marital challenges.

It’s not everything challenge that is a marital challenge. I have seen people say a lot of things about marriage simply because they are married. Take for instance, you lost your job because of economic downturn or you were not adding value to the company. Please don’t call this a marriage challenge simply because you are married. The truth of the matter is that you could have still lost your job even if you were single, so it is not marital challenge. It is very important for us to put the blame where it is, instead of putting unnecessary pressure on our marriages. If you lost your job because you were not adding value to the company, you should look back at yourself and see how you can improve your skills and go for another job.