Keys to Peaceful Marriage/Home Vol. 2



This is a continuation. Please check out for Vol.1, if you have not done so.

7. Have a forgiven heart

The bible says that we should forgive one another, (Matthew 6v14-15). So please be willing to forgive your spouse and move on. Don’t keep a catalogue of offences that your spouse has done. Pastor Bimbo Odukoya said that marriage is “two forgivers living together”. This is the bedrock of a peaceful and loving home. There is no way you can have a peaceful home, if you don’t forgive each another. I have seen people who keep a catalogue of what their spouse has done to them which often lead to tension at home. Some people can give you the decade, year, month, week, day ,time and place the offence took place, “come on”, you don’t need all that stuff.

8. Be honest/open to your spouse.

Someone said that “you need a million lies to cover one lie”. Also, “you don’t have to remember what you said last time only if you tell the truth”. A man had some money hidden in his bedroom, and when the wife asked for money to prepare lunch he swore that he never had any money. So when he left for work, the wife came across some money, and since the husband had told her that he had no money, she felt that the money was hers. So she took the money and prepared the meal. When the man came back, she gave him food to eat and thereafter, the man was panting all over the house looking for the money. The wife asked him, are you looking for something? He replied no, because he couldn’t face the wife, having lied to her. After a while, it was clear to him that the money was actually missing, and so he had to open up to the wife, but it was too late because the money was gone. Please read Colossians 3 v 9-10.

9. Try to meet the needs of your spouse

Every wise spouse should know that you are created to serve the interest of others including your spouse. Jesus gave the perfect example when he said that the greatest in the kingdom shall be the servant, (Matthew 23v11). Look out for the needs of your spouse and work hard to meet them as much as possible. The following guide will be helpful, and you can add yours. I got this from a church service I attended some months ago.
Wife’s need;
                   • She needs affection
                   • Open and honest communication
                   • Accountability
                    • Deeper friendship
                    • Faithfulness

               Husband’s need:
                   • Sexual affection
                   • Support and encouragement
                   • Remain physical attractive
                   • Domestic security
                    • A playmate.

10. Team is better.

You must have the mentality of a team. Once you see your spouse as a team member, where you win or lose together, then you do whatever it takes to succeed, (Amos 3v3). You must understand that your wife/husband’s peace is depended on your own peace as well. If your husband/wife is not at peace, you can’t be at peace.

11.Think before you talk

Someone said that God gave us two ears and one mouth, so that we can listen more and talk less. Remember that once a word is said you can’t take it back. Your word is irrecoverable. Don’t verbally abuse your spouse. In my undergraduate days I heard a story of man who told the wife in the “heat of the moment” that she got her professorship by sleeping around. Both of them were lecturers in the University. The woman cried and asked for divorce. The man tried to convince her that it was a mistake, but the deed has been done. The couple finally divorced. Please watch your tongue. The bible says that the power of life and death are in the tongue, (Proverbs 18v21). Also take a look at Proverbs 21 vs 23, which says that;

“Whosoever keepeth his mouth and his tongue, keepeth his soul from trouble”

So please check what you say to your wife/husband if it is worth saying at all. Will your words build or destroy?

12. Avoid debt:

Many marriages have been broken and shattered because of indebtedness. As much as possible live within you income. This is one of the things that bring tension and conflicts in homes. It has also led to some people committing suicide. Live a simple life. Remember Proverbs 22 v 7.

Keys to Peaceful Marriage/Home Vol. 1

Do you know that God has ordained marriages for our good? (Proverb 18vs22). I feel strongly that most conflicts at home can be avoided. The simple truth is that nothing happens by chance. You must take appropriate steps to be able to enjoy the peace you desire in your marriage/home. We belong to a kingdom that operates on keys. Someone said that “if you have the right key, you don’t need to struggle with the door”. Let us take a look at the following keys;

1. God
Please make God the centre of your marriage/home. If you focus your attention and seek His help, he will surely make a way for you in every situation. Do you really have time for God? Do you really have time for family devotions? If you take God very seriously, you will get the best out of every situation you find yourself. We need to look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, (Hebrew 12vs2).

2. Believe in your marriage.
If you don’t believe in something, it is impossible for you to get any good thing out of it. If you don’t believe that a marriage can be peaceful and enjoyable, then there is no way you can enjoy a peaceful marriage/home. It is only possible to them that believe, (Luke 1 vs 45)

3. Have a vision for your marriage.
Someone said “if you don’t know your destination, everywhere would look like it”. You must have a vision for your marriage/home, so that you can work at it, and whenever you miss your way you will know and retrace your steps. My wife and I made a vow never to come to a point where people will be called to settle any matter in our home, and it has remained so. I enjoy a super peaceful home. You too can have a peaceful home. God spoke to Abram in Genesis 13 vs14-15, saying:

           “ Lift up now thine eye, and look from the place where thou are northward, and southward, and eastward. For all the land which thou seest to thee will I give it, and to thy seed forever”.

What do you see concerning your marriage/home? Do you see troubles and bitterness, or do you see peace and joy by God grace?

4. Stop wishing, and start working.
I have seen people who claim that they can confess and possess whatever they want, and I laugh. It doesn’t happen that way. For instance if you want a car, all you need to do is to go to the car shop, pay for it, and it becomes yours. In the same way, if you desire to enjoy a peaceful home, there are things you must do. You can’t be engaging in a fight with your spouse every morning and hope to confess and possess a peaceful home. It will not “fly”. Remember Proverbs 22vs29, which says “seest thou a man diligent in his business? He shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men”.

5. Flee from Adultery.
The only scripturally acceptable sex is the one within marriage covenant, between a man and a woman. One of the greatest sins against the marriage covenant is adultery. Your spouse should be enough for you. I have never seen anyone who is involved in adultery that remains the same. Many marriages/homes have been broken because of this act. Proverbs 6 v 25-29 says;

          “Lust not after her beauty in thine heart, neither let her take thee with eyelids. For by means of whorish woman, a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for a precious life. Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not burned. So he that goeth into his neighbour’s wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent”

It is clear that adultery is a time bomb in every marriage, so please flee from it. Remember that the bible says “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (I Thessalonians 5vs 22),
Is it not surprising that a man will leave his beautiful wife at home, and then go outside to be messing around with another lady? Even for analysis sake, when you compare the wife and the other lady outside, the wife at home is far more beautiful that the lady outside in every area. It is even more disheartening to learn that married women are also going outside their homes to mess around. We live in strange times. What a shame

6. Communication is key.
In our businesses and offices we do have team meetings to work on business plans. Some offices have meetings every week to look at how the business performed in the previous week and what need to be done to get better result, but in our homes, many do not have the patience and wisdom to talk about their marriages. Have you ever set out time to really talk with your spouse and listen to him/her without any pre-conceived conclusion to the matter being discussed? How often do you have family meetings? Do you talk with your spouse or do you talk to your spouse. There are two different things. Every good communication must start from the heart. How comfortable is your spouse in sharing his/her deep feelings with you, without the possibility of starting another “world war”. We are admonished to build and not destroy. When you talk with your spouse, you should be able to bring out the best in him/her and not diminish it. Many years ago, I heard of a story that baffled me. A man and his wife were not in talking terms, and they have gone ahead to divide the only bed they had into two parts; one part for the man and the other for the wife. They created territories on just one bed. So one day, the man had a job interview the following morning, but was not humble enough to talk to the wife, but rather he wrote a note and placed it on the wife’s part; saying “please wake me up by 8am”. The man being a deep sleeper woke up much later than 8am, and he was very furious, and so for the first time in a long while, he spoke to the wife, asking her why she did not wake him up. The wife simply replied that I woke you up, but you didn’t respond. How? She said since you wrote to me to wake you up, I also wrote to you by 8m to wake up, but you didn’t respond. What a pity. Communication is the key in every marriage, because it opens you up for healthy discussion and living. Please do it the right way. Remember Luke 6vs31.